Como soy una copiona de anthonytowers, esta tarde me examino de inglés y apenas he estudiado, y encima, llevo dos semanas pensando, otra vez, que voy a ser incapaz de dominar este idioma por siempre jamás, me he decidido a deleitaros con el writing que ha provocado mi crisis de inglés. No es que tuviera tantos fallos, es que algunos se repetían del año pasado, cuando pensé que ya lo tenía dominado. Me siento atascada idiomáticamente, pero, bueno, al menos a vosotros os cuelgo la versión corregida y lo mismo os dejo hasta intrigadillos...
Emma could not believe what she saw in front of her. There, in the supermarket was her sister's murderer as a free person. It couldn't be possible. This monster who had killed one of the most important people in her life had to spend the rest of his life in prison, paying for killing such a special person.
While these thoughts ran into her mind, Emma was running accross the corridor, screaming at him and hitting him. Emma wasn't a very big woman, but the unexpected attack made him fall down and, in the floor, he tried to defend himself from Emma's punches.
Fortunately, the shouts had been heard by the security man, an he separated them and brought them to a private room, because a lot of people were around Emma and the murderer. After he calmed Emma, she explained why she had hit the man, who didn't appear guilty at all. The security man was thinking about calling the police, when Emma's victim explained himself. He wasn't a murderer. He was the twin brother of the person Emma thought he was, and to prove it he showed his identification. Anyway, the police were called and they confirmed everything.
As soon as Emma heard all this, she felt very embarrassed, and she started to apologize. The man, called Tom, accepted and told her that, unfortunately, he had had a lot of similar situations. But he insisted forgiving her.
Two days later, when Emma is forgetting so shameful a moment, she received an unexpected call. He was Tom, who wanted to know if Emma felt better. Firstly, she was suspicious and didn't want to be very nice, because she thought he wanted to hurt her. Actually, she was the most important witness in the trial which convicted his brother. She recongnized the voice and the car of the man who was the last date of her sister.
But, day by day, after she had met Tom in the supermarket, on the streets..., Emma finally trusted him, she even agreed to have a coffe with him. The feeling of guilty she had had was dissappearing and she came to think of him as a friend.
Beside this, Tom's ideas were very different. He had never stopped to visit his brother in prison, in spite of what he had told Emma. The conversations between the two brothers wasn't so nice as Emma and Tom's. The twins wanted to hurt her, to make her so unhappy as they felt every day for being separated. And Emma wasn't conscious at all about the danger she was living in.
Como mi profe es superbuena gente y me ha dicho que le puedo entregar writing libres, espero continuar esta historia... Pero después de las vacaciones, cuando se me pase el agobio de que no voy a aprender nunca inglés...
11 comentarios:
Venga, ánimo... ¡que está muy bien!
Espero la segunda parte de Emma y el gemelo maléfico. :)
Uff qué pereza! mi inglés es peor que el tuyo...
Lo mío es el francés, Arwen, pero, ese texto, tiene una pinta estupenda.
Un beso.
(¿se puede pedir traducción??)
Random, me va a costar no convertirlo en un culebrón de sobremesa... Y gracias.
Peri, no me extraña. Prometo actualizar pronto en castellano.
Moony, lo mío es también el francés. Bueno, ahora ya no es nada, porque hace tanto que no hablo ni escribo ni leo en francés que se me ha debido olvidar casi todo. Y como ves, en el inglés tampoco voy muy bien... jijiji. En fin, no traduzco porque sería un rollazo, pero como le digo a Peri, pronto cuelgo algo en castellano para compensar. Fue un desahogo más que nada.
Besitos.
La historia es muy interesante y la trama suple con creces las posibles deficiencias del texto, seguro.
I think that both correction and quality are very important when writing; so I'll tell you the same as Efter did: sometimes is better to create an interesting (although imperfect) history instead a perfect but boring one.
So, congratulations! And don't worry, your english sure will improve.
Lemon's kisses
Efter, justo por ahí me salvo, a mis profes les suelen gustar las historias, así que, bueno, no es que levanten la mano al corregir, pero están más predispuestos a ser buenos. El problema es que no sé si los del First se lo tomarán así y que, realmente, lo que quiero es no tener los fallos, o sea, busco la perfección que no existe, pero es que yo soy mucho así...
Alice, thanks a lot. I'd rather create great stories (or, at least, try it), but I want to write in English exactly as I do in Spanish... Difficult aim... Anyway, thanks and kisses.
Yo lo veo estupendo. Y tu ínglés está bastante bien. Si llegas a ver el mío... En serio, me ha encantado la historia! Muchos besos!
Ulyanov, no seas modesto... Y gracias. :D
Esto es una historia de las tres y media de antena tres, muy bien contada, pero una historia de este tipo. Me veo hasta de protagonista a la Jane Seymour (o doctora Quinn).
Por lo demás, muy buen inglés que manejas... ¡viva la libertad en los tiempos verbales!
Sí, lo de la libertad en los tiempos verbales da mucho juego. Ya te dije que la historia era un poco de A3 y que por eso no sabía cómo terminarla... Al final no he escrito nada estas navidades, bueno no he hecho nada.
Ayer se te echó de menos, ains, si es que se me os vais y os extraño.
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